Don't worry, there are some simple things you can do when you have lost the tools. The best way to loosen the locking nut and screw it up the black adjuster bar is to use a pair of channel locks. These can be purchased many places like Wal Mart or a lumber yard store like Home Depot. A cheap pair will do and should cost around $5.
The locking nut can get really tight or stuck, which can happen if you tried to unscrew the pole down from the ceiling without FIRST loosening the locking nut. In this case, if the channel locks cannot loosen the locking nut then use a pipe wrench. Pipe wrenches are harder find but work every time. If you have a friend who is a plumber he will have one on hand you can borrow : )
The other tools in your kit were just Allen Wrenches which you only need to change the pole from spinning to static mode. The pole must be locked in static before attempting to take the pole down. These can also be purchased at Wal Mart or a local Lumber Yard like Home Depot for a $1 or 2 : ) These are sold in "sets" with various sizes so you won't need to know the size of your hex screws in your dance pole before you go to the store to buy the Allen Wrench set.
Here is a link to the un-installation video for your convenience > https://polefitnessdancing.com/how-to-install-a-pole-fitness-dance-pole/